Monday, September 22, 2008

Case Of The Mondays


You know it's bad when you think, "It's been one of those days" and it's 8:30 am. What's worse is I said the same thing last night. I will share these tales with you so you can smile and think to yourself, "Thank God my life is so much better than hers." But first, a brief recap:

2 weeks ago: Karen and Myers came to visit. Had a blast spending time with them!
Last weekend: Drove to Fort Smith to celebrate Michael's bday with my parents. We realized it'd been forever since we'd visited the Fort and it was a lovely weekend as well!
This past weekend: Drove to Coppell for Michael's birthday celebration 3.0. I hate to brag, but what used to cost us $100 to drive to/from Coppell now costs $32. And we hugged the environment the entire time. All are happy!

Ok, so back to why your life is better than mine. Michael and I decided several months ago that we would buy 2 lottery tickets each time the jackpot went over $100 million. On Friday it was at a grand total of $154 million so I bought our tickets at the gas station. I was ridiculously embarrassed so I asked as quietly as possible, "May I please have 2 lottery tickets?" Of course the person couldn't hear me so they yelled, "You want WHAT? Lottery tickets?! OK!!!" I paid my $2, took my 2 tickets, and ran out of there. On our drive home yesterday, Michael and I discussed how we'd spend our newfound millions and it was quite a treat. Got home, high-fived Thumbs, unloaded the car, and checked the lottery website to see where we needed to go to collect our billions. We had 1 number correct (out of 6). Not that I really expected to win, but I'd be lying if I said my shoulders didn't slump just a smidge. Goodbye deserted island, hello many years of house payments.

I decided to go the grocery store to buy some lunch meat and diet foods. Remember the guy who told me my hair looked green? The other day he told me to turn to the side and mentioned how I used to be "this big" (arm gesture) and was now "this big" (larger arm gesture). I was horrified and vowed to never eat cheese again. Sidenote: Is it me or was that highly inappropriate? So I drive to Wal-Mart, park the car and head to the carts. There are 2 left. 2! I am about 3 feet away from the second cart (a young couple has claimed the first), when the lady picks up the trash in her cart and... wait for it... puts it in my cart. My mouth drops and I look down at my body to verify that I did indeed leave my cloak of invisibility at home. Yes, I am clearly standing here next to my cart that is now filled with trash. I quietly shake my head and remove said trash. Strike 1.

I head to the "tasteless aisle" (read: not fried) to pick up some items. Fill my cart and head to the check-out. There are approximately 5 people working in the entire store so the lines are extremely long. I manage to pick the worst. Of course. Strike 2.

15 minutes later (no joke), I am at the front of the line, figuring out how I can protect myself if someone tries to kidnap me in the parking lot since it is now dark outside. She finishes ringing up the groceries and I reach into my purse. And guess what is NOT there? Oh yes, my wallet. I look in every pouch, zipper, etc., and then in a very calm, relaxed voice let the girl know, "Holy shit I left my wallet at home!!!!" (Sudden flashback to me pulling my stupid lottery tickets out of my wallet and leaving the ridiculous wallet on the counter.) STRIKE 3!!! I immediately call my husband and tell him to get here ASAP. I am absolutely mortified. She suspends my order and tells me to wait in the customer service line, which is in front of everyone. I might as well have placed a scarlet I on my shirt (I = Idiot). Michael arrives and we wait another 15 minutes while a man who recently separated from his wife returns his portion of the claimed goods. It was quite tragic. After he left, the lady checked us out and told us to always stay together. Weird.

So that was yesterday. This morning I woke up with a horrendously miserably awful headache so I told Michael to go ahead and drive to work without me and I'd go in an hour late. When I woke up the second time I remembered I was supposed to go to a conference today (not mandatory but I'd asked for a ticket) so I quickly got ready and hopped in the car. As I was leaving, I clicked the garage door opener and nothing happened. I clicked it approx 54 more times before I realized I might need to move to plan B. I walked to the garage and pushed the opener by the door. The garage door did a little jig and stopped. I pushed it again, saw the same jig, and then nothing. I called Michael again (poor Michael) and had him walk me through how to manually close a garage door. We hung up, but not before I said, "I guess I'll just stay home from work and take a vacation day!" (Whimper, pout, etc. etc.) I finally, FINALLY got the door to close. As I drove to work I noticed the traffic was terrible and then figured out it was for the conference that I was supposed to be at, which had already started. When I finally reached the church, it was 8:30a (conference started at 8a).

So there you have it. 2 fabulous days. And to throw one more thing out there, I just had my mid-morning snack and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten. Hooray for diets.


Lisa said...

Who is this guy who keeps making inappropriate comments to you? I am so sorry! And to top it off you had a horrible wal-mart experience too! Here's to a better Tuesday for you!

Emily said...

I would like to go beat the everlasting crap out of this person who keeps making absurd, not true comments about you! what a piece of S***!
I hope your week gets better:)

Leslie said...

Merdy, step away from the diet foods! You look FABULOUS and tiny and hot and gorgeous and by no means do you need to be on a diet of any kind. If you don't believe me, I will email you a pic to prove it (that one we took together when I look way skinnier than me, and I am just confident enough and a good enough friend to send it to you just so that you will feel better! :) I'm being serious. Now run along and eat some deep fried macaroni and cheese before I get in the car and drive to Tulsa to force it on you, ya hear?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...