9.11

September 11, 2001
I was a sophomore at TU, rooming with Summer in Suite B in the Delta Gamma house. I vaguely remember Kaitlin waking us up to tell us something big was going on. I went back to sleep. I woke up again to my boyfriend's phone call asking if I'd seen the footage. I'd already forgotten what Kait had said 30 minutes earlier. So when people ask me, "Do you remember where you were when it happened?" I do--I was asleep. It's terrible to realize that sleep was my initial reaction. I'm sure I'd stayed up too late the night before and went to bed thinking, "How can I get out of going to my morning class?" What do you know, the class was cancelled and I got my wish.

I'm portraying myself as a terrible person and I don't think I was, but I was definitely selfish. I think selfishness is a trait that people either have or don't have, and the ones that have it must learn how to control it. When I was a sophomore in college, I didn't know how to control it.

My 20th Century Art class was not cancelled and I grudgingly walked to class. I cursed the professor's selfishness for still meeting with all that had happened that day. I was such a saint! I took my usual seat and spent 75 minutes watching architecture of the Twin Towers. I saw pictures of the tower construction, views of the skyline, blue prints, etc. The screen was flooded with steal beams, hard workers, and a beautiful vision of 2 structures that touched the heavens (or at least the clouds). I remember seeing the proud faces and wondering what those people thought the day they completed the buildings. Who could ever imagine that a tragedy so extraordinary and so blatantly evil would demolish the buildings as well as so many families.

I'm sure I talked to my parents that day. I know I was nervous because my brother was in Chicago and I had no idea if the attacks would continue or where they might hit next. I remember not being able to grasp what the enemy did to our families, what they did to New York, and what they did to Americans in general. It took me the entire day before I was finally, FINALLY able to open my eyes and realize what just happened. And by that point, most people had already gone to bed.

September 11, 2008
I was woken up again this morning, but it was by my husband and not my suitemate. This time I did not go back to sleep. We drove to work and commented on the rude drivers that passed us by. We talked about politics, the election, and our expectations of work today. We briefly mentioned 9.11 but I still find it a little difficult to talk about.

I don't mind flying anymore. I don't anxiously watch every passenger to see if he or she has the capability of harming all of us on the plane. I don't want to be fighting anymore. I know there was a point that I did, but I'm tired of it. I have never been one to say "Don't look back, only look forward" but sometimes I think in order to move forward, you have to be willing to change. There's that word--CHANGE.

As I was getting ready this morning I was thinking about how I've changed in the past 7 years (see--there's that selfishness again). I've grown up. I've matured. I've learned enough about politics to think for myself and not recite what I've heard on the news. I have a library card now. I actually make a point to drive somewhere so I can check out books and learn, rather than spend my day thinking about how I can skip it.

I know the victim's families are having a terrible morning while I sit here typing this post. I hope they know that we are hurting for them also.

I hope if something this tragic ever happens again, I will not go back to bed. But more than that, I hope I never have to decide.