Friday, April 23, 2010

The Hangover: Part Deux

I'd like to tell you a story that involves one bachelorette, four bridesmaids, one friend of the bride, and copious amounts of alcohol. I've had reservations about writing this post because a) I will not do the weekend justice and b) I'm afraid you might look at me differently after I hit "publish." But alas, great weekends are meant to be shared. So here we go.

Sidenote for my dad: We took cabs everywhere.

One of my bff's from college is getting married next month so we decided to live it up in Dallas to celebrate her last few weeks as a single lady. There were six of us total, which ended up being the perfect number (I'm afraid if there were any more we'd all be wearing orange jumpsuits). Everyone arrived on Friday and we had a nice, relaxing evening at a local restaurant, followed by the Haynes' abode. Saturday we woke up and went to a restaurant downtown where I've never been judged so much in my life. Keep in mind it is around NOON on a SATURDAY. We walked into the restaurant and there were more sports coats in that room than Easter Sunday. The girls, meanwhile, were in full makeup, 4-inch heels, and scowls to match. I couldn't decide if I was impressed or disgusted. After lunch we split up so Summer and I could pick up the fantabulous cupcakes and check into the Stoneleigh hotel (awesome hotel, even if the bell-hop hung out with us for 20 minutes and then yelled, "Welcome to the Stoner hotel!" as he departed). We met the girls at a shopping area and proceeded to discuss the upcoming evening.

We didn't scratch the surface.

We headed back to the hotel where we gave Emily a quaint but nice lingerie shower and got ready for our big evening out. It was raining by this point so we all grabbed our umbrellas and took a cab to Kenichi, an amazing sushi restaurant in uptown Dallas. Had our fill of sushi & cocktails and decided we needed a pick-me-up (we are old ladies afterall) so we ordered bailey's and coffee. $12 baileys and coffee. That? Was ridiculous.

And off we went. The rain was still pretty bad so we walked into the first place we saw, which just so happened to be Ghostbar--pretty cool bar on the 33rd floor. It was a strange crowd but we got our drinks and started dancing.

Fact: I love to dance.
Fact: I cannot dance.
Fact: When I've had a few sips of the good stuff, I dance. A lot. I don't want to talk about feelings, I don't want to get into fights, I just wanna dance.

After a bit we decided it was time to move on so we danced ourselves out of there and to a place called Deux. By this point you're thinking this is not the best night ever but just you wait.

We complimented the shoes of the girl in front of us who then returned the favor by paying the cover charge for all of us. We walked in, found a fantastic spot and settled ourselves on the dance floor. After a few hours, Summer said she needed to go to the bathroom so I went with her. The line was ridiculously long so I pulled out my whistle (did I mention we were all given "hottie whistles," which we proudly wore around our necks?), whistled as loud as I could and announced, "Hurry up bitches, we need to go to the bathroom." So classy. The girls in front of us turned around to agree and I recognized one of them so we chatted a bit. I'm leaving her anonymous because of the following sentences. As we waited in line, Summer noticed my acquaintance was standing in water and told her she should move. She didn't move so I repeated Summer's statement but stopped mid-sentence because it was pee. Her own pee. She peed herself, people. To make matters worse, Summer didn't realize it until she felt it on her own leg. The girl peed on Summer. We were appalled but couldn't stop laughing. The girl excused herself (to go back out and party I guess?) as Summer and I stared at each other with astonishment and disgust.

Once Summer cleaned up, we went back to our spot only to notice Mo was now gone. We walked around the bar a few times but no luck. Called the phone, nothing. The girls were worried. Me? I was too busy dancing and kept saying, "Oh, she'll be FINE." After an hour it was closing time so we started to leave the bar while Em said she'd do one more check. We waited outside for a good 5 minutes and then I decided I'd go back in and grab Em. Big mistake. I stepped over the red rope and the bouncer immediately stepped in front of me and told me to back up. I told him my intentions and he told me he didn't care. I went back to my spot and then Bethany (Em's sister) tried to "sneak" by him to get into the bar. He called her several names and told her to back up, so Summer (naturally) told him he was being ridiculous. He started screaming at Kaitlin, then Summer, then Bethany, then me. It was awful. Eventually he grew tired of screaming so he called the cops and had them escort us away from the bar. Summer told the cops that we were completely sober (as Bethany fell to the ground) and then I told them we were all honors students. (Lies. All lies.) We eventually got a phone call from Kreston, who was in Miami for Jake's bachelor party. Mo's husband was with them and he'd received a call from her an hour earlier. Kreston told us that she was at a hotel but not the hotel.

Oh holy cow, this is getting so long. Let's shorten it a bit. Once we knew she wasn't at the club, we left our cop friends (after taking a picture with them), and headed back to the hotel. As soon as we got back to our room, Em and Bethany got into a sisterly fight due to Em calling Bethany, "Not classy." Summer and I were keeping Kaitlin company while she pumped (hot mama!) until something went awry and the pump started malfunctioning big-time. Kait had originally had her back to us but she turned around with pumps still on, frantically trying to fix the problem. Summer ate her fourth cupcake while I pointed and laughed at the pump. Mo eventually showed up and told us she'd just gotten tired and decided to leave. She'd caught a cab and then realized she didn't know what hotel we were staying at so just told him to drop her off at a hotel. Which he did.

It was quite the site. 2 girls crying, 1 girl pumping, 1 girl apologizing, 1 girl eating, and 1 girl pointing. Around 3:30 or 4 we finally went to bed, just as I declared I was going to write a book about this, which would turn into a movie (or television mini-series), which would one day become a musical. High hopes indeed.

So there you have it. The girls all left on Sunday and I couldn't stop smiling. Such a great (albeit crazy) weekend with my best friends--there's really nothing better!

The beautiful bachelorette...

Em with Bethany (her "not classy" sister) :)

The group! Me, Summer, Mo, Bethany, Emily, Kaitlin

Same 6 people but now we're outside.


Mo (the disappearing act) and Bethany

The Bride with her maid and matron of honor

Aren't they adorable? So delicious too!

Love you, Em!
Sushi dinner!

At Ghostbar


Before Mo ditched us...

The sober honors students...


Kaitlin said...

Ahaha! Can we go back?! So much fun. Love the caption on the last pic- we look ridiculous!You described our weekend perfectly! PS- figured out the reason for the pump malfunction...turns out beer helps in.. er...production if you will, thus causing an overflow situation ;) I was just giving you all a glimpse of the unglamorous side of motherhood!

Haley Nicodemus said...

Wow - that sounds like a super crazy but one hell of a fun weekend! Love all the details!

I don't know what is more blowing the whistle and saying bitches hurry it up, or your friend wetting herself in line. Wow, again.

Melissa said...

Oh I've been DYING for some pics and good stories! I LOVE it!! Congrats Em and sorry I missed it, and good work Mere on the recap..... GREAT story!! :)

Jax said...

This is the best post and bachelorette party ever! (well, minus the pee...that was whoa...haha). I love that she was dropped at "a hotel" but not "the" hotel and yes, you will be given your own book, show, etc (may have just imagined all the events turning musical and into an ep of Glee...haha..) Glad everyone ended up at the same hotel and laughing about it the next day! I consider that a successful bachelorette party! :)

Candace said...

ohmygoodness! BEST.BACHELORETTE.PARTY.EVER. seriously?!?! so many 'priceless' moments! haha!!

Leslie said...

Oh my word, this is UNREAL! Seriously! Throw in a wild animal in your hotel room and you really could rival The Hangover!

annie moxie said...

omg. omfg. HOW DID I MISS THIS WEEKEND ?!!! ITS A LONG story but.. bottom line is - there are too many dates swimming in my pea brain right now - i thot this weekend was may 14th ? craigs 30th bday weekend... alas it was not - but it WAS our engagement party weekend -- so wish the dates could have worked out differently -- anywho boring boring - what fuN OMG WHERE IS the pic of yall and the cop ?????? god bless tu . xoxo


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