My blood pressure and weight gain are on track and Holland's heartbeat sounds perfect. These appointments last 10 minutes so I spend the majority of my time in the car driving to/from the hospital.
This pregnancy - in almost every way - is so very different than the last. We could wallpaper our entire home with ultrasound pictures of the twins. I saw the four chambers of their hearts, tiny fingers & toes, and sweet profiles so many times I felt like I could sketch them in my sleep. Every perinatologist appointment lasted 20-40 minutes - we would just stare at our babies as he politely walked us through each and every body part, over and over again.
This time? We've seen her twice (I don't count the six week appointment when she was most definitely a white blob). I need two hands to count the number of ultrasound pictures we've received. We turned down all genetic testing because it wouldn't change our decision to have her and I'm anxious enough as it is without "possibilities" playing a role. So while I still feel connected to her, there are so many unknowns. Will she be healthy? Will she have hair? Is she even a SHE (it wouldn't be the first time an ultrasound was wrong)?
Thankfully, even with all of the unknowns, I'm far more relaxed this time. The insomnia is in full force now, but when I'm awake at 3am I'm not thinking of the terrible possibilities that flooded my mind when I was pregnant with Jude & Sloane. I'm mostly at peace and just... excited. I guess it's because I've been down this road before? I know for a fact we can do this as parents (I'm embarrassed to admit how many times I stared at the ceiling the last time I was pregnant and truly questioned our capabilities). I know Michael is more than enough when I am less than, and I know we make a pretty damn good team with a newborn. I also know Jude & Sloane will love her so, so much and their independence continues to grow a little more each day. Everything I DO know makes up for all the things I don't. And it also makes me that much more excited to meet her.
Enough serious talk, I also feel the need to share something: I wore yoga pants backwards the other day. I was sitting on a bench while Jude was getting a haircut when I saw the brand's tiny logo on my shin. "That's definitely supposed to be on my calf..."
I also lied to TWO different strangers at the mall when they asked how far along I was. It was the "How much longer (because you look like you're due any day)?" remark and I couldn't bare the thought of telling them I still had three months to go. Two months it is. I'm shocked at how similar I look to the last pregnancy. I realize I'm four years older and my body only knows a twin pregnancy but yowza. Walking by a mirror always makes me do a double take. I've also noticed my legs have grown and it doesn't take much to wear me out anymore. This isn't too discouraging until I remember I still have 12 weeks to go.
I read The Giving Tree to Jude & Sloane a few days ago and bawled my eyes out. I've read that book at least 100 times. I couldn't even finish it because my voice went to that scary soprano place that just isn't pretty. I've read it a few times since then and held it together but this morning I heard Sloane "reading" the story aloud and I found myself teary again. Good Lord!
The nursery is well on its way! The office furniture has been removed and is now sitting (not so) pretty in our bedroom. We purchased a crib and moved the armoire from our bedroom into the nursery. The rug also arrived this week! Several little things still need to be done but we're officially calling it Holland's room and that's pretty great. I also took advantage of the room's natural light and captured some pictures of the kiddos.
And some bump pictures from the last month...
Until next time!