Jude & Sloane's afternoon nap was very short yesterday and by 2:30 pm it was clear we needed to get out of the house. I did a quick scan of our kitchen and realized we needed the following items from Target:
I loaded everyone up and off we went. I don't know about your kids, but mine do not like their stroller -- haven't in quite some time. They're also a little restless in shopping carts because one is completely contained (not fair) and the other is typically found rolling around the cart with reckless abandon. I get the side eye every time I go shopping because we're just a little crazy. I get it.
I looked at my list and pictured everything in the store. Four of the items were at the front while the last item was at the very back. Still, I felt we could be in and out in 10 minutes.
The kids hopped out of the car and held hands like angels. We walked inside and I gave each of them a basket and took one for myself. I'm not going to lie, I felt like an awesome mom as the three of us walked in a perfect line with our three baskets. How adorable were we? So adorable.
Until I put the strawberries and blueberries in my basket. Suddenly, Jude wanted to hold MY basket. His was empty. I smiled and reminded him this was my basket and his important job was to hold his basket. He whined a bit and then cheered up when we got to the bananas. He let 14 shoppers know we were getting "NANAAAAAS!!" I dropped them in my basket.
And that is when all went to hell in a Target hand basket.
Jude flipped out. He kept looking at my full basket and his empty basket. Meanwhile, his poor sister has arms like her mom and was struggling to even carry her empty basket. I mentioned we could put them back but neither liked that idea, so what did we do? Walked to the very back of the store with a wailing Jude and Sloane the snail. You know when people talk about an unfortunate event when it feels like everything happens in slow motion? That was literally my life at that moment. Jude continued to scream while Sloane carried her basket and walked one mph with a giant smile on her face and an occasional "Hey girl!!" to a random stranger. She was completely oblivious.
Seven years later we grabbed the string cheese and finally headed to the checkout counter. I convinced them to get rid of their baskets and we waited in line. Sloane reached for a little box of goldfish crackers and in the 2.3 seconds it took me to put them back, Jude decided to emancipate the blueberries by shaking the package to death. Blueberries everywhere. Sloane squealed with delight and started shoving them in her mouth two at a time (from the Target floor - yep) and Jude just cheered. I grabbed the runaway berries and put them back in the basket, which I put on the conveyer. Except the basket was full of holes so now the blueberries were barreling down the conveyer belt.
It. Was. Awesome.
And by awesome I mean the WORST. I apologized 100 times (never made eye contact) and said we would happily pay for the ruined blueberries. The kind lady told me not to worry about it and checked me out in record speed. Jude and Sloane were both crying because they wanted disgusting Target floor blueberries so we high-tailed it out of there so they could cry in the parking lot.
Except the second (and I mean the SECOND) we walked outside, the tears disappeared and the two cutest kids on earth emerged. They were excited to hold my hand, chatted about the sun and the sky and what a wonderful world it was. I looked around so someone... ANYONE could witness the cuteness, which would maybe make me forget the last 30 minutes. Not a soul in site. I'm pretty sure they were all in the back corner of Target waiting for us to get off company property.
Moral of the story: My kids hate Target.
Second moral: Target must keep clean floors because Sloane is still alive and well. Hooray!!