Make It Work

Long lost friends!!!! How I have missed you!

Alright, I want to temporarily take you back to an uncomfortable time in your life. For some of you it will feel like yesterday, for others perhaps it WAS yesterday. (In which case, aren't you a bit young to be reading my blog? Don't you have a Miley Cyrus show to watch?) You know what I'm talking about: the first day of junior high.

Take a deep breath. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know.

You wake up with that delirious feeling of excitement, anxiety and slight nausea. You scan your closet for the millionth time and finally decide on an outfit that says, "I SO do not care that this is the first day of school and what, this old thing? I've had it for YEARS" (even though you and I both know you bought it at 579 or County Seat the week before). You're dropped off at school, which is the size of Australia and is crawling with people who know exactly what they're doing. Can they tell you are shaking in your fake Birkenstocks and training bra? You hope not. The bell rings, you walk to your first class (Algebra) and realize that no, this is most definitely not the correct class. You clumsily back out of the room and eventually find the right class. You are 5 minutes late. Your teacher gives you a look that clearly states, "I am not going to yell at you because it is obvious you are slightly pathetic as it is and anything I say might lead to a long life of counseling." You sit in your assigned seat and roll is called. You start feeling confident because you realize you OWN this class. You are gifted (even if your Gifted and Talented class doesn't meet until after lunch) and you gain some semblance of confidence. Then you hear the mutterings from those around you and realize they all learned Algebra in the third grade while you were still conquering long division. You sink in your chair, defeated. You look to your right and notice two cool girls are already pointing (and laughing) at your 579 shirt... which matches your shorts... which matches your scrunchie.... Oh heck.

Ok, I can't take it anymore, can you? Did anyone else break out in a cold sweat?

So let me explain why I just put myself (and possibly you) through hell and back. I started a temporary job at Nordstrom this week! Training began Tuesday and there were so many similarities between this week and those dreadful days of junior high that it was ridiculous.

1. I hadn't experienced Dallas early morning traffic before, which meant I showed up to my first class 10 minutes late.

2. I should have only been 5 minutes late but I parked my car in the wrong garage (are you KIDDING me?) and had to be escorted to class.

3. I wore what I considered to be the perfect "training outfit" and walked into a room that would make Tim Gunn weak in the knees. This group was dressed for success. And me? Epic fail.

4. We introduced ourselves and shared a bit of background. This is where I thought, "Ok, I can redeem myself." I told them about my past marketing experience (5 years--booyah!) and was met with 18 blank stares. After I finished my monologue I was politely asked, "Where/when was your last retail job?" Um, 3 months at the GAP in 2001? I was quickly forgotten as every other new hire mentioned their degree in fashion merchandising and 142+ years of retail experience.

5. The cool girl wouldn't even look at me.

6. When did everyone start wearing so much eyeliner? Clearly I need to update my makeup regimen.

Of course I'm exaggerating a bit to make this as self-deprecating as possible, but it is definitely based on a true story. My true story. I am still alive and here to tell it so I guess that's a good thing. After Tuesday everything vastly improved and now I'm quite happy. My first real day on the floor is tomorrow so if you need a new hand bag come visit me at the Galleria.

My only two bits of good news:

1. I've outgrown the training bra.
2. That cool girl from my new hire class? Oh yeah, we are now BFF and have already exchanged phone numbers. Take THAT fashion majors.