Random Thoughts & Pictures

Here's what is going on in this scattered head of mine...  Bringing back le bullet:

• Thank you so much for the positive response re. the "Are They Natural?" post.  I know it was a delicate subject and I'm glad it was received well.  And with that, I believe you folks know our entire fertility story and I'm so glad I can say it had an extremely happy ending.  I hope and pray the same is true for all of you with similar stories.  As always, I'm happy to answer any questions or lend an empathetic ear. :)

• On a somewhat similar note, since we are 99% sure I will never be pregnant again I'm going to sell my maternity clothes via the blog.  I'm hoping to do this sooner than later (summer is right around the corner!) and I'm keeping my fingers crossed it works and I don't hear a bunch of crickets--haha. Anywho, figured it was worth a shot.  I'll be doing the same with some of Jude and Sloane's clothes (tear) but that will happen a little later down the road.

•  Speaking of Jude and Sloane, they are both high rollers these days!  I will discuss the specifics on their five month post, but they are both rolling back to front and front to back.  This is slightly terrifying as I've now walked in to see Sloane on her stomach in her crib.  I realize it's not a big deal but who are we kidding, everything is a big deal to me.  The message on Sunday really hit home because I spend 96.8% of my day worried about these two (you can listen to it here).  I recited Phil 4: 6-7 throughout my pregnancy and continue to do so now that they are here.  If I ever decided to get a tattoo (mom--I won't--BREATHE), I think I'd have that scripture tattooed on my hand.

• And just a few other randoms I want to mention so I don't forget.  Michael and I are powering through How I Met Your Mother.  We started season 1 right around the time the kids were born and are now in the middle of season 4.  Love that show.  My hair is falling out in clumps.  They said it would happen and I didn't believe them.  They were right.  The kids are so big that I'm having a really hard time carrying their carseats any sort of distance.  I'm grateful they're so healthy and my arms are getting a solid workout but man, it's exhausting!  The extended family is planning a trip to Table Rock Lake in the Spring.  The five cousins will reunite and I can't wait!

Here's some pictures.  If we are friends on Facebook and/or Instagram, feel free to sign off now as none of these are new. :)

I took this right after he rolled over from back to stomach!

 

 Happy Pi Day (3.14)

 Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Jude & Sloane | 4 Months

I'm not sure if it's because February is only 28 days but this month flew.  Sloane and Jude managed to make my least favorite month quite wonderful so props to them!  This post is a little delayed due to their 4-month well visit, which was yesterday.  I wanted to wait until I had their stats so I wouldn't leave anything out.  Here we go!

Jude's stats at 4 months:
Weight: 18 lbs 4.5 oz (95%)
Height: 26 in (85%)
Head: 17 in (75%)

Sloane's stats at 4 months:
Weight: 15 lbs 3.5 oz (80%)
Height: 25.5 in (85%)
Head: 16.75 in (85%)

Clearly we have petite children--HA!  Jude has always been slightly larger than Sloane but the past few weeks he just took off.  Every morning I would lift him out of his crib and swear he weighed a pound more than the day before.  The doctor was thrilled with their sizes and declared both healthy and right on track with development.  They received two boosters and an oral vaccine.  Both cried for approx 10 seconds and then were just fine.  I've mentioned this before but I am so thankful they don't handle needles like their mom. Hoping that trend continues.

EAT & SLEEP
As you can tell from their weights, both Jude and Sloane are terrific eaters.  They nurse 5-6 times during the day and take a 6 ounce bottle before bedtime.  And I have to brag on these two--Jude and Sloane are also great sleepers/nappers.  They are easy to put down and give me several breaks throughout the day.  Unfortunately, they are terrific sleepers because they NEED sleep and when they don't get it, times can be tough.  They've been sleeping in their cribs since they were two months and recognize sleep sack + crib = nap.  With that in mind, they have a harder time sleeping in their carseats and at friends houses.  Having a pretty strict routine has its benefits but has caused them to not handle spontaneity as well.  Their bedtime is now 7:30.  I'd loved keeping them up later so they could spend more time with Michael but they weren't having it!  They are still sleeping well throughout the night, typically until 5 am.  I nurse both of them and then they go back to sleep for a few more hours (and so do I)!

PLAY
Jude and Sloane love to play, which has given us a chance to see their personalities so much more this month.  While one is eating I typically put the other on the playmat and then switch. When they're both done eating I put them in their bumbos facing one another and either read them some books or just sit back and watch.  Jude immediately starts talking and Sloane gives him the biggest smiles.  They both love Sandra Boynton books (they actually stare at the pages and smile as I'm reading).  They also love Mr. Inchworm and are starting to enjoy Sophie.  She is a little big/awkward for them so they drop her a lot.  Both enjoy the exersaucer (especially the lion and monkey) and spending time on their quilts.  When I put them next to each other they immediately reach for the others hand.  They really seem to enjoy being near one another.  I am so excited to watch a friendship form between the two.

I'm anxious for the weather to warm up so we can go to the park more.  I think all three of us enjoy getting out and about and the sun is an added bonus!

WHAT'S NEW?
Even though February was a short month a lot of new things occurred.  We started attending The Door Church and love it!  It was the first time we left the babies with someone else (other than our parents).  They've been in the nursery three times now and have received great reports each time!  I'll be honest, the first Sunday they were in the nursery I spent the entire sermon staring at the screen expecting to see our number pop up.  I was shocked (and relieved) when it didn't.  There are A LOT of children at The Door so Jude and Sloane are in great company.  We have visited half a dozen churches since living here and are so grateful we found one that feels like home. 

We also introduced the twins to Sophie the Giraffe and a few other teething rings.  Neither have teeth but both are showing major signs of teething.  Lots (and lots) of drool and occasional moody dispositions.  

A few weeks ago I was putting the babies in their carseats and noticed Jude looking especially uncomfortable.  I figured it might be time to remove the newborn inserts so I read the manual and realized I should've done it when they were 11 pounds.  Mom of the year right here.  Once I removed the extra padding they both looked so much happier!  I left the head support in the carseat but will probably remove it this month. 

Dear Jude,
What a big boy you are!  I've loved seeing your sweet personality shine this past month!  You have a smile for everyone you see and we can't help but smile back at you.  You are still quite the talker, whether it be to people, your toys, or the wall.  You also love to talk while nursing, which is adorable but makes feeding slow down dramatically.  You're very polite and give your listener a chance to respond once you've finished a lengthy story.  How kind of you!  I do wish I knew what exciting stories you were sharing.

Much to your dad's chagrin, we think you are slowly becoming a thumb sucker.  You still take a pacifier before going to bed but it's usually out of your mouth and replaced by your thumb fairly quickly.  It could have to do with teething so we'll see.

Your legs are so strong!  You love to stand on our laps and can do it for quite awhile.  You also love playing in the exersaucer and have gotten quite good at balancing.  You're trying to roll over but haven't quite mastered the technique yet.  When I give you a little assistance you give me the biggest smile as if you've done it all by yourself.  You are so cute, Jude!

You are such a wonderful big brother.  You immediately reach for Sloane the second I lay her next to you.  If you aren't grabbing her hand you are resting your hand on her shoulder or side.  You still love to talk to her and her smiles encourage you to continue.  I've noticed when you are both upset I can put you next to one another and you seem to calm each other down a bit.  What sweet siblings you are!

You love when I read books to you.  While your sister continues to scan the room, your eyes never leave the pages.  I'm always shocked at how long you stay interested.

I'm afraid I kiss your sweet cheeks a thousand times a day.  You put up with it well and give me the biggest grin every time.  I wish you weren't in such a hurry to grow up because I sure do love my baby boy.

 

Dear Sloane,
This has been a big month for you little one!  You smile all of the time now and your entire face lights up.  Your eyes disappear and your mouth opens as wide as possible.  Picking you up after a nap is such a treat because you act like you haven't seen us in years!

You have taken quite a liking to your hands and are chewing on your fingers constantly.  You also found your feet this month so when your hands aren't in your mouth they are holding your tiny feet.  At the very beginning of this month we retired the swaddle so you are now in a sleepsack like your brother.  It suits you well and gives you a chance to flail your arms properly.  You also graduated to size 2 diapers!

A few weeks ago you rolled over from your stomach to your back!  I'm not sure who was more shocked, you or your mom!  I cheered and them promptly placed you back on your stomach so you could do it again.  You've rolled several times since and are now trying to roll from back to stomach.  No luck yet!

I noticed one morning you were talking to the animals on the playmat (you'd been fairly quiet up until this point).  It was a low raspy voice and when you saw me watching you, you stopped.  The next day you were talking to every single object in your line of sight, including your brother and myself.  At one point you grabbed my arm as if to let me know, "What I'm about to say is very important." 

This could've been a total coincidence but was so cute that I'm going to mention it anyway.  The other day you were nursing and your brother was on the playmat at my feet.  He started getting a little upset but I continued to feed you since I knew he would be fine to cry it out for a bit.  After a minute or so of his crying, you pulled back and just looked at me with a worried expression.  I tried to get you to nurse more but you wouldn't have any of it.  I sat you down, tended to your brother, picked you back up and you happily went back to nursing.  I'm still not sure if it was your brother's cries or you simply needed a break but I thought it was the sweetest moment ever.  What a wonderfully loving sister you are!

We love you two so much! 

 

 

Are They Natural?

I wrote the post below when I was around 20 weeks pregnant so it's been sitting in my draft folder for a very long time.  When I read it now I realize how sensitive and hurt I was when I wrote it.  While I agree with the majority of this post, I now understand the second paragraph was written by someone with severe pregnancy hormones (times two)!  At the end of the day, however, I still stand by what I say.  So with that...
     
(Written in the summer of 2012)

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I want to share this information.  Why?  Because it doesn't matter.  However, I've been very open with our journey thus far and I know there are readers who have connected with me, with us, and with our story from the very beginning.  The following post is strictly our story and I will absolutely admit I can be extremely sensitive.  You've been warned.

When people find out you're expecting twins, they react one of three ways:  They simply congratulate you (with a look of terror in their eyes--always), they ask if twins run in your family, or they ask if the babies are "natural" or the result of fertility help.  I put the comments in order from my favorite to least favorite.  No one thinks to ask the last question when you're only expecting one, but once it's multiples it becomes an obvious (yet still inappropriate) question.  What's funny is those closest to us simply congratulated us.  I'd hold my breath and wait for the "Are they natural?" and it never came.  Not once.  Complete strangers (ladies working at Neiman's) or acquaintances have no problem asking if I've had IVF, etc.  The funniest question I've received was from the dental assistant: "So did that just... uh... happen?" My advice to you is this: Never ask someone if their twins are due to fertility treatments.  A woman's body is made to reproduce.  Some women choose not to, which is perfectly fine.  Others (like me), try, succeed, and then fail (two miscarriages).  Asking someone if their babies are the result of (any level of) fertility treatments is like saying, "Did your body succeed or fail?  Did YOU succeed or fail?"  While I know that is most likely not the person's intent, I'm letting you know what it feels like for me to hear those words again and again (and again).  If the couple wants you to know their fertility plan, they will let you know.  Otherwise, consider it none of your business.

So here was our fertility plan: I suffered my second miscarriage in mid-June of last year.  It was devastating.  We stepped back and took a break.  Remembered what it was like to simply be us without the thought of having a baby.  Traveled to San Francisco and Sonoma.  After several months we decided we'd try again.  A month or so later my body did some weird things so we decided to take my OB's advice and visit a fertility specialist.  This was something I absolutely dreaded because I felt it was admitting defeat.  In actuality, it was simply admitting there was a problem.  I had an appointment in late January and the doc went over my entire history: low progesterone, two miscarriages, MTHFR mutation... and then he smiled and said (obviously I'm paraphrasing), "I don't think this has anything to do with MTHFR and everything to do with low progesterone.  You're obviously ovulating because you've gotten pregnant twice but the egg isn't strong enough and without a boost it's never going to succeed. This is a relatively easy solution.  You don't need IVF, you simply need the smallest dose of Clomid (hormone therapy).  This will help build a stronger egg, which will create more progesterone, which will allow for a viable pregnancy."  I'd done a bit of research on Clomid and asked about multiples.  He said the chances of twins went from 1% to 8% when one took Clomid.  Ever since Michael and I have been together we've said we'd love to have twins.  Looking back on our "luck" with the past two pregnanices, I knew better than to think we'd have twins.  He wrote me a script and I left.

I took a tiny pill for five days.  During the middle of my cycle I met with the specialist to see if the Clomid worked.  He saw two eggs on my left ovary and said one egg would "dominate" (absorb) the other.  So now it was just a waiting game.  I again asked about twins and he said under absolute perfect circumstances there was a chance we could have twins, but it was highly unlikely.  Many women receive a trigger shot (tells your body to release the egg) and begin taking progesterone at this time.  He didn't want me to do either and just wanted to see what the five pills alone would do. Two weeks later I took a pregnancy test and saw two faint lines.  I couldn't believe it.  One cycle, five pills, one positive pregnancy test.  I went in that day to have a blood draw and my HCG and Progesterone levels were through the roof.  Rather than think, "Hmm, those numbers are strangely high," I just left with a huge grin on my face.  I came back two days later and repeated the tests.  They want the numbers to double and mine had more than quadrupled.  Again I thought nothing except, "I am PREGNANT!"

At six weeks Michael and I went in for our first ultrasound.  The tech began the search and I grabbed Michael's hand.  I was absolutely terrified.   She smiled and said, "So... remember how you had two eggs?"  Michael and I did not say a word for at least a minute.  We couldn't believe it.  Twins.  The absolute perfect scenario that even our doctor didn't expect.

So there is the story of our "unnatural" children. When someone asks me, "Do twins run in your family?"  I am honest with them.  Yes they do, on my mom's side.  When someone asks us, "Were you shocked with the news?" we are honest with them.  Yes we were.  And still are. 

Jude and Sloane are our greatest blessings and while we wish our journey didn't include heartbreak and anguish, it all happened for a reason and those two incredible reasons will be here before we know it.

When I see their lips, their noses, their hands, their feet, their hearts... there is nothing more natural in this world.

What They Wore Wednesday

Today it's rainy and cold--a definite t-shirt and jeans kind of day so I dressed my babies accordingly!

My dad is a retired science teacher and my mom grew up riding horses so these t-shirts are pretty perfect for their grandkids! I was a tomboy when I was little, which is probably why my daughter has zero tutus, wears small(ish) bows and occasionally rocks t-shirts. She may not look super fancy but I still think she's pretty cute. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

XO - Jude & Sloane

 

Ramblings

I think about this blog often, especially when the twins do something amazing and I am nowhere close to the computer.  When I finally have a free moment to write my brain is absolutely void of all aforementioned thoughts and I'm left staring at a blank screen wondering what I actually do during the day.

So I suppose this will be a bit of a rambling post.  We'll see what happens.

What I'd like to to do first is offer up a huge apology to all stay-at-home-moms (SAHM).  I was one of those awful folk who thought, "Really?  Could it be that hard?" before I had Jude and Sloane.  I want to shoot my former self (but I'm all about gun control so I will not).  Staying at home is tough.  And exhausting.  And amazing.  And did I say exhausting?  When the clock strikes 6:00 pm, every single minute slows to a painful crawl as I anxiously await the glorious sound of the garage door.  Once dad is home I have two choices: hand over one baby and hold onto one baby or hand over both babies and make dinner.  I typically do the latter so I have some quiet moments to myself while Michael has some alone time with the babes.  But I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room, turn on the sleep sheep and take a nap.  Good God that sounds so good I just got a little teary.

However, the second (and I mean second) I am away from those babies I cannot stop thinking about them and I want to be near them.  I always get a little excited about their bedtime and then once they're in bed I think, "Man, I miss them!"  So all of that complaining up there?  I wouldn't want it any other way.  

On a related note, I'm going to STL next weekend to visit my best friend Emily and help throw a baby (girl) shower!  I am thrilled for her and can't wait to celebrate!  It will be my first time away from the babies (for more than five hours) and I'm slightly terrified.  I know I will miss them terribly and I'm pretty sure they will look completely different once I return (I'll be gone for three days and two nights).  I've been waking up at 2 am the past few weeks to pump and build up a supply for Michael to feed them while I'm away. 

Let's see, what else?  I have been exercising lately and it feels great! I love getting out of the house and going on long walks with Michael or my girlfriends and I'm pretty sure Jude and Sloane enjoy the Vitamin D as well. 

I'm also going to start posting more pictures on here (from Instagram and Facebook) for family/friends who aren't on either. 

And on that note, here are way too many! Most were taken with my phone so I apologize for the poor quality!